The Feast

In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little yet enjoy

a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment.

We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter

truth we critics must face, is that in the grand scheme of things, the average

piece of junk is probably more meaningful than our criticism designating it so.

But there are times when a critic truly risks something, and that is in the discovery

and defense of the new. The world is often unkind to new talent, new creations,

the new needs friends.

Last night, I experienced something new, an extraordinary meal from a singularly

unexpected source. To say that both the meal and its maker have challenged

my preconceptions about fine cooking is a gross understatement.

They have rocked me to my core.

In the past, I have made no secret of my disdain for Chef Gusteau's famous motto:

Anyone can cook. But I realize, only now do I truly understand what he meant.

Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere.

-Anton Ego, Ratatouille(2007)

One of my favorite song, for no apparent reason. :)

The Feast (translation of Le Festin)

The dreams of lovers are like good wine
They give joy or even sorrow
Weakened by hunger, I am unhappy
Stealing on my way everything I can
Because nothing in life is free.

Hope is a dish too soon finished
I am accustomed to skipping meals
A thief alone and hungry is sad enough to die (see note)
As for us, I am bitter, I want to succeed
Because nothing in life is free.

Never will they tell me that I cannot shoot for the stars;
Let me fill you with wonder, let me take flight
We will finally fea . . . st.

The party will finally start
And bring out the bottles, the troubles are over
I'm setting the table; tomorrow is a new life
I am happy at the idea of this new destiny
A life spent in hiding, and now I'm finally free
The feast is on my path
A life spent in hiding, and now I'm finally free
The feast is on my path. . . .

Flipped

Quite recently I have watched this movie called Flipped. It's a cute love story of two eight graders, where the year was set in 1950s. It was based on a novel, though according to the review that the setting in the novel is more recent/ modern. Well, I guess it doesn't really matter. It's a good movie.

I wouldn't give you the spoiler but the general plot is that Juli Baker was in love with her next-door neighbor, Bryce Loski, ever since he first moved into their neighborhood when she was 5. Bryce however was annoyed with her not so subtle obsession and have been avoiding her his whole life.

Her love towards him grow as they enter their teenage life but then several incidents have happened that make them put each other in a different light. She doesnt think that he is as amazing as she always thought of him and he starting to see her as someone who's more than just his stalker neighbor. What happened at the end? Well, like I said earlier, I wouldn't give u the spoiler. U have to watch it.

But beware though, you might want to raised chickens or climb big trees after you're done watching it.

I love to watch my father paint.

Really, I love to hear him talk while he paint it.

I learnt a lot about my dad that way.

He told me all sorts of things like

how he got his first job delivering hay and

how he wished he'd finished college.

Then one day he surprised me.

Father: What's going on with you and uh, Bryce Loski?

Me: What do you mean? Nothing.

Father: Oh, okay. My mistake.

Me: Why would you even think that?

Father: No reason. Just that you..talk about him all the time.

Me: I do?

Father: Um-hmm.

Me: I don't know. I guess it's something about his eyes, or maybe his smile.

Father: What about him?

Me: What?

Father: You have to look at the whole landscape.

Me: What does that mean?

Father: The painting is more than the sum of its parts. The cow by itself is just a cow. The meadow by itself is just grass, flowers. And the sun peeking through the tree is just a beam of light. When you put them all together, then it can be..magic.

I didn't really understand what he was saying, until one afternoon while I was up on a sycamore tree. I was rescuing a kite. It was a long way up, higher than I've ever been. And the higher I got, the more amazed I was by the view. I began to notice how wonderful the breeze smell, like sunshine and wild grass. I couldn't stop breathing it in. Filling my lungs with the sweetest smell I've ever known.

Heartbreak

Heartbreak is a nasty thing. That's why they have tons of website dedicated to help people gotten over it.

Really, they should just hire my friends.

I felt so lucky that during my first phase of heartbreak my friends dont cry with me. Rather we laugh about the whole thing.

Although I was a bit confused with why we are laughing because most of the times, there's nothing funny about anything, but I laugh anyways.

It's better than crying! Especially when you have to cry over someone who has been so careless with your heart.

I mean, basically you gave them a very very very valuable thing but they just crushed it like that?

Don't cry over them honey. They definitely are not worth it.

Save your tears for something more important, like when you missed that new episode of Glee.

That's more like it!

When in London

I always like to, since I was little, ask myself if I am okay. Well, not out loud of course. From time to time, I check, just to make sure whatever I am going through it didn't affect me that bad.

The question is always as simple as "So, are you okay?

It is the same as what people ask me when I am going through something. But with myself, I've got to be more honest.

For the past 28 years, the answer has always always been either "Yeah, I am" or "Yeah, I will be". Because whatever I told people (I might want to fish for sympathies), I know for sure I can always bounce back.

For the first time ever, after the incident three weeks ago, when I asked myself that same ageless question, I wasn't sure of the answer. Well, I know for a fact that I am not okay. I am suffering. But the more terrifying thing is I don't even know if I can be okay, ever.

I kept on telling people that I know it's the best decision I've made and life will turn out to be better for me. But honestly, I'm having a hard time believing it myself.

Why? Because every single thing on earth reminds me of him.

That sucks big time.

Even when a good thing happen to me, all I can think of how good it is if I can share it with him.

So, frankly I cannot see how I can go on like this.

Two days ago, I was in the shower, when I asked myself that question. It was so easy to fall back to that empty feeling, feeling sorry for myself, when I suddenly realizes something.

I am taking a bath in a hotel in London! I went to Bicester Village in the morning and strolled along the Hyde Park and the Kensington Park in the afternoon.

How can I not be okay?

I feel awesome! I feel great! And I am looking forward for tomorrow and all the days after that. I am okay people. I just need a little bit of fresh air to tell me that.

My friends, the wonderful wonderful people, are right after all. I guess they sometimes know me more than I know myself.

And right now I am sipping hot chocolate in Pret A Manger at High Street Kensington underground station. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

Kensington Park

P/S When I talk to myself (in my head) in London, I found myself speaking in British accent. It's like when I was 13, when I dreamt of my sweetheart, B-Rock of Backstreet Boys, he was speaking in Malay. My head is funny sometimes.

Cha-Ching Cha-Ching

Jessie J - Price Tag ( Live Acoustic Music Video)

Price Tag - Jessie J

Okay, Coconut man, Moon Heads and Pea
You ready

Seems like everybody's got a price,
I wonder how they sleep at night.
When the sale comes first,
And the truth comes second,
Just stop, for a minute and
Smile

Why is everybody so serious
Acting so damn mysterious
Got your shades on your eyes
And your heels so high
That you can't even have a good time

Everybody look to their left (yeah)
Everybody look to their right (ha)
Can you feel that (yeah)
We're paying with love tonight
It's not about the money, money, money
We don't need your money, money, money
We just wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag
Ain't about the (uh) Cha-Ching Cha-Ching.
Aint about the (yeah) Ba-Bling Ba-Bling
Wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the Price Tag.

Matters of the heart

I just don't get it. I wish I can understand more how the heart works. There must be some mechanical explanation or a diagram of a human heart.

Not anatomically.

Not the heart that beats. But the heart that feels.

And those feelings that can't be described. Neither sadness nor happiness. Just something that disturb the peace of your morning. Or the ones that keep you up at night.

What the hell is that?

I just don't get it.

If you want to hate, then hate. Don't go hating for one minute and missing on the next.

If you feel strong, then be strong. Don't go crumbling on that stolen memories.

If you have decided, then be firm. Don't waver on me now.

And if you may, stay together this time.

I can't take anymore heartbreak.

Good Bye

"I've had to say goodbye more times than I've liked, but everyone can say that.

And no matter how many times we do it, even when it's for the greater good, it still stings.

And though we'll never forget what we've given up, we owe it to ourselves to keep moving forward.

What we can't do is live our lives always afraid of the next goodbye, because chances are they're not going to stop.

The trick is to recognize when a goodbye can be a good thing; when it's a chance to start again."

-Ugly Betty

I've said more than my share of Good Byes, ever since I was little. All to those I love the most in my whole life. Two deaths and one is the effect/ complication of one of the deaths. To conclude, all these good byes were forced upon me and were so sudden that I wasn't prepared to any of it.

I always think that if God give me some signs before these losses, maybe it wouldn't be as hard as it had been. Maybe I wouldn't hurt as much. Ever since then, I have prayed constantly to God to not take away the person I love, to not let the ones who I love say Good Bye to me. I prayed that if it has to be a separation, make me the one leaves, who say the good bye, who died.

My prayers are definitely answered. About 2 weeks ago, I have decided to say Good Bye to a person who I have never imagined that I can love that much.

It's a different kind of Good Bye. For one, I have been thinking about it for many months. Secondly, it was me who said it, who walked away. It should be easy right? After all, that is what I had requested.

Then again, God proves it again. He knows best.

Saying good bye and walking away from the person that you have loved and still love the most your whole life has to be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. To make it even worst, I have to cut all contact and ignore all pleas. I have to harden my heart and a piece of me died that day.

But I guess, that is it about life. Sometimes, the sun shines the brightest after the wildest storm. It is just something that has to happen and I have to believe that it is for the greater good. I was thinking last night that it would be wonderful if I can erase this memories so that it wouldn't be too painful. But then again, I will not be who I am today without this experience.

Like Betty said, the trick is to recognize when good bye can be a good thing; when it's a chance to start again. I think I recognized this accurately.